The Coed and the Zombie Stoner, 2014

© The Asylum

Whoahohohohoho ho ho and a bottle of cannabutter ice-tea. Ahem.

You know the film’s gonna be a bona fide piece of dead rotten skunk when the first thing you see after pressing play are two pairs of boobs being thrown in your face, followed by full-frontal chest bumps and hilariously bad acting.

That was only the beginning of this hotbox of a film that had me bawling with laughter after the half-hour mark; before that, it’s just boobs, more boobs, an unforgettable flash by the pretty, pretty lead, and then some more boobs. And hey, the acting did get better even if the special effects didn’t. Plus, this B flick has a scene where we actually see a supporting actor practice method.
No way. Seriously; he mistakenly drops a joint on his crotch and goes nuts in the background as two actors talk more nonsense. Wait; as one of them talks and talks and talks, so much so that the numbnuts zombies get bored to death. All well-meaning and meant to be a dopey stoner comedy.

He has more veins on his face than my penis
Dumb sorority sister to the guy she’s blowing: Slurp. Woohoo, I can do this for a living.
Someone fucking bare-back me, it’s the only way to survive

The film is hopeless no matter how I look at it, where I look at it from. However, however, there’s some redemption in the fact that the keen viewer or the casual watcher would still make do with a level of sophistication and intelligence that engenders praise and repeated viewing, and none of that is evident here, but the plenty of laughs that it offers.
That is what the reviewer inside me is saying and thinking, the guy who watches films for fun will not go near this atrocity again, once was enough. Even the inelegance and the flavourlessness is not fully attempted here. The whole deal smells of slothful, indolent filmmaking, and made with a devil may care attitude. I dig stoner flicks, I dig nudity, I dig stoner-zombie flicks, I’m a sucker for stoner-horror movies, even if they’re Z-grade, like maybe the traditionally styled horror film with the usual gags of the ghastly variety, Ghost of Goodnight Lane, 2014; but this one just doesn’t cut it for me.

One minute they’re doing something that pushes the non-existent plot forward and the next minute they’re flashing, without any reason but to serve the peephole viewing client. What nonsense.

The Coed and the Zombie Stoner is a 2014 American made-for-TV comedy horror feature film directed by Glenn R. Miller (The Bell Witch Haunting) from a screenplay by Scotty Mullen. The film is obviously inspired by Warm Bodies. Even though it is intentionally funny when it wants to be, which is often, classifying Zombie Stoner as a horror-comedy would be inaccurate.  No one on hand purposefully tries to be a pure comedian. Laughs simply emerge naturally from the characters themselves as opposed to any overly forced setups or obvious satire.

The back of the DVD box boasts The Coed and the Zombie Stoner as “a horror film fan’s dream … an homage to the laugh out loud, baked genre.”  Although those lines appear between quotation marks, an attribution of the statement to anyone, in particular, is conspicuously absent. While the buildup is spent in the company of a likable cast (well almost), it does not make for what the title promises. Click-bait is a different thing, having women run around naked for a large part of the film and expecting the viewers to laugh at the bouncing bubbies is not funny, not even remotely.

Mediocre (at best, and I’m being kind) film-making, with more plot holes than Gail‘s stockings in Sin City, 2005, bad editing, crazy and nonsensical dialogue; the whole fucking nine yards for a bad B flick.
However, if we don’t get too uptight and just wanna unwind and enjoy, then Stoner is bat-shit nuts funny. If we lose the ‘oh so unscrupulous‘ mind-set, this little bunny runs just fine. As clunky as it can be though, Zombie Stoner has memorable moments including a fistfight between Bambi (Jamie Noel) and Chrissy (Catherine Annette). Everything still passes as mostly serviceable horror-comedy movie beats, although they are undercut somewhat by the plot, which isn’t there, bad acting, and wayward direction by Miller.


One ounce of cannabis: $220
Two large pizzas for the munchies: $36.50
A film where women run buck-naked for a good part of the feature, and one ‘back-door action while cooking‘ scene: $11.99
Cannabis to reverse the effects of a zombie bite: Priceless.

Duuude., where’s my stash?

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